Pretty often the Lord Jesus calls us closer to Himself out of a period of pain or suffering. Or maybe that’s when we most humbly acknowledge that we need Him. Either way, my call to religious life gained clarity when I felt an urgent need to find a spiritual director for the first time. It was 1984 and I had just turned thirty. In many ways, I felt lost and unsupported by a solid purpose in life. Having taught junior high English and religion for eight years in three schools, I took a new job as a full-time professional youth minister at one of Cincinnati’s largest parishes. It was not an easy transition from the predictable pace and plan of classroom teaching, into the new and nebulous world of youth retreats, rap sessions, and parish politics. I needed the help of a spiritual director to keep my sanity – personally and professionally.
I recalled a workshop years before where I was given a list of spiritual directors. I took out that list and noticed the name of Fr. Jack Kramer, S.J. who was working at the Cincinnati Catholic school office and lived near Xavier University, where he often helped out with weekday Masses. I had first met Jack in 1976 when he came to do an in-service for us faculty members during my first year of teaching. He was witty, amiable, and wise. He spoke from an experience of education and particular spirituality. He always began his presentations with the prayer, “Lord, teach me to be generous … ,” and he would tell tales of “the days when I was teaching high school religion at St. Ignatius College Prep in Chicago.” His words and his personality attracted me. I wanted to do what Jack had done. I wanted to go where he had been and learn what he had learned. So, in 1984 he agreed to serve as my spiritual director during my early-life crisis, and we would often meet after noon Mass at Bellarmine to chat and figure things out. Seeds were being planted.
“Out of the depths” of my thirty-something anxiety, I called to the Lord and He responded by leading me back to Jack Kramer and other Jesuits. The Lord Jesus was showing me a really great way to shape my self and my future into His way. Jack’s spiritual direction and hospitality-in-community bore fruit three years later. I was reading in bed one night and received the instruction, quite clearly, to go find an application form for the Jesuits. The next day, November 17,1987, I drove to Bellarmine Chapel where I thought I had seen a pamphlet in the back of church. None left. I then drove downtown to the Jesuit parish and grabbed the last brochure from the rack. It was entitled “The Jesuits” and told me all I needed to know about the Society of Jesus, their works, their schools, and how to enter. Sitting in the back of the empty church, I read the whole brochure and thought, “Yes, Lord, I could follow you this way.” Through more intense spiritual direction with Fr. Ed Pigott, S.J. (who persisted in asking me, “Do you still want to be a Jesuit?”), it became more clear to me that my heart’s desire was indeed to follow the Lord and serve the Church in the same “particular” way that Jack Kramer and others were doing – as a Jesuit.
In 1989, I entered the Society with five other men, all of whom have since left the Jesuits. However, with each passing year, the Lord has strengthened and confirmed my own vocation – my identity as a Jesuit. I am grateful to have been called in this way, and I hope to continue, with the Lord’s grace, in this vital mission of His body.
Rev. Patrick Fairbanks, SJ
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